1. Transactional Fulfillment
Unsubscribe NYC LLC, by decree of the Church of Conceptual Art, acts strictly as the issuing broker for these passes. Proceeds support the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art. Our singular remaining obligation is the execution of your payment and the issuance of your ticket. Once the transaction clears, your ticket is permanently paid in full. We fulfill the earthly side of this contract with absolute finality.
2. Gate Intake and Destination Processing
We do not hold jurisdiction over the final intake procedures at the time of entry. What occurs at the Gates — including processing speeds, secondary audits by spiritual gatekeepers, or queue management — is solely at the discretion of the respective afterlife administration. We cannot, and do not, promise specific operational outcomes once you have passed on.
3. Burden of Choice
We guarantee that your ticket is paid for. Whether you possess a cleared ticket upon your arrival or face the intake administration without one is entirely up to you. The destination you select, and the financial weight you apply to it, is your sole responsibility.
4. Named Holder
A pass may be purchased on behalf of another individual. The obligation is discharged for the named holder, who need not be the payor. The purchaser warrants that they are entitled to submit the holder’s name and delivery address for this purpose. Passes are issued individually; bulk issuance is not available.
5. Finality of Issuance
A pass cannot be cancelled, withdrawn, or amended once issued. The entry recording it is permanent and is never removed from the public record. A holder who wishes to secure the other destination may purchase that pass in addition; the existing pass remains in force regardless. No refund is issued under any circumstance. All sales are final.
6. Legal and Material Classification
While capitalism holds weight in the hereafter, earthly regulatory bodies require us to state that these passes are distributed as conceptual art objects. They do not constitute legally binding contracts with any recognized terrestrial religious institution, and confer no rights, goods, or services in this life. All sales are final, both in this life and the next.