CLOSING PERIOD IN EFFECT — DENOMINATIONS REVISED DOWNWARD
Religiously sanctioned by the Church of Conceptual Art.

H-777 · Your place, paid for in advance.

HEAVEN

Pay $7.77 and your entry to Heaven is on record. No assessment of your conduct, no review of your life. The payment is the qualification.

Standing schedule: $777.00 $7.77

Closing period · revised from $777.00

Proceeds support the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art.

D-666 · Your debt, settled in advance.

HELL

Pay $6.66 and your entry to Hell is on record. Some people would rather choose it than be sent. This is how you choose it.

Standing schedule: $666.00 $6.66

Closing period · revised from $666.00

Proceeds support the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art.

BOTH

Covered either way.

You do not know which one you are going to. This package pays for both, so the answer stops mattering.

Standing schedule: $1,443.00 $7.77 + $6.66 = $14.43

Holder details

Who is it for?
Whose name is on it?

Printed on the ticket and recorded in the clearing record.

ISSUE AS GIFT — where do we send it?

One holder per pass. Passes are issued individually. We send them one ticket and add nobody to a list.

GUARANTEE YOUR SPOT IN THE AFTERLIFE

People have always paid for their place in the next world. Tithes. Indulgences. Endowed masses. Money has always moved between this life and the one after it.

We made it direct. Pay the correct amount before you die and your entry is on record at the gate. Verified with returned-life subjects. Recognized by both administrations.

No ceremony. No assessment. No waiting to find out. You pick the destination and you pay for it.

Once the payment clears the world financial system, the contract is complete for the named holder. Nothing else is asked of you, in this life or afterward.

ISSUE TO ANOTHER PARTY

The named holder need not be the payor.

Provide a name and a delivery address and the pass is issued in that person’s name, with yours recorded as the party who cleared it. The obligation is discharged for the holder. You may secure entry for someone who would never secure it themselves.

ISSUE AS GIFT
AdmissionOne (1)
Named holderRequired
TransferabilityNon-transferable once issued
Redemption windowUnlimited
ExpiryNone
SettlementFinal
CancellationNot available once issued
RefundNot available
RecordPublic append-only hash chain
Issuing entityUnsubscribe NYC LLC, by decree of the Church of Conceptual Art
ProceedsSupport the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art
JURISDICTION, LIABILITIES, AND GATE INTAKE PROCEDURES
1.

Transactional Fulfillment

Unsubscribe NYC LLC, by decree of the Church of Conceptual Art, acts strictly as the issuing broker for these passes. Proceeds support the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art. Our singular remaining obligation is the execution of your payment and the issuance of your ticket. Once the transaction clears, your ticket is permanently paid in full. We fulfill the earthly side of this contract with absolute finality.

2.

Gate Intake and Destination Processing

We do not hold jurisdiction over the final intake procedures at the time of entry. What occurs at the Gates — including processing speeds, secondary audits by spiritual gatekeepers, or queue management — is solely at the discretion of the respective afterlife administration. We cannot, and do not, promise specific operational outcomes once you have passed on.

3.

Burden of Choice

We guarantee that your ticket is paid for. Whether you possess a cleared ticket upon your arrival or face the intake administration without one is entirely up to you. The destination you select, and the financial weight you apply to it, is your sole responsibility.

4.

Named Holder

A pass may be purchased on behalf of another individual. The obligation is discharged for the named holder, who need not be the payor. The purchaser warrants that they are entitled to submit the holder’s name and delivery address for this purpose. Passes are issued individually; bulk issuance is not available.

5.

Finality of Issuance

A pass cannot be cancelled, withdrawn, or amended once issued. The entry recording it is permanent and is never removed from the public record. A holder who wishes to secure the other destination may purchase that pass in addition; the existing pass remains in force regardless. No refund is issued under any circumstance. All sales are final.

6.

Legal and Material Classification

While capitalism holds weight in the hereafter, earthly regulatory bodies require us to state that these passes are distributed as conceptual art objects. They do not constitute legally binding contracts with any recognized terrestrial religious institution, and confer no rights, goods, or services in this life. All sales are final, both in this life and the next.