GUARANTEE YOUR SPOT IN THE AFTERLIFE

CLOSING PERIOD IN EFFECT — DENOMINATIONS REVISED DOWNWARD
Religiously sanctioned by the Church of Conceptual Art.

H-777 · Your place, paid for in advance.

HEAVEN

Pay $7.77 and your entry to Heaven is on record. No assessment of your conduct, no review of your life. The payment is the qualification.

~~Standing schedule: $777.00~~ $7.77

Closing period · revised from $777.00

Proceeds support the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art.

D-666 · Your debt, settled in advance.

HELL

Pay $6.66 and your entry to Hell is on record. Some people would rather choose it than be sent. This is how you choose it.

~~Standing schedule: $666.00~~ $6.66

Closing period · revised from $666.00

Proceeds support the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art.

BOTH

Covered either way.

You do not know which one you are going to. This package pays for both, so the answer stops mattering.

~~Standing schedule: $1,443.00~~ $7.77 + $6.66 = $14.43

Holder details

GUARANTEE YOUR SPOT IN THE AFTERLIFE

People have always paid for their place in the next world. Tithes. Indulgences. Endowed masses. Money has always moved between this life and the one after it.

We made it direct. Pay the correct amount before you die and your entry is on record at the gate. Verified with returned-life subjects. Recognized by both administrations.

No ceremony. No assessment. No waiting to find out. You pick the destination and you pay for it.

Once the payment clears the world financial system, the contract is complete for the named holder. Nothing else is asked of you, in this life or afterward.

ISSUE TO ANOTHER PARTY

The named holder need not be the payor.

Provide a name and a delivery address and the pass is issued in that person’s name, with yours recorded as the party who cleared it. The obligation is discharged for the holder. You may secure entry for someone who would never secure it themselves.

ISSUE AS GIFT

Admission	One (1)
Named holder	Required
Transferability	Non-transferable once issued
Redemption window	Unlimited
Expiry	None
Settlement	Final
Cancellation	Not on request · Administration discretion only, rarely
Refund	Not available
Record	Public append-only hash chain
Issuing entity	Unsubscribe NYC LLC, by decree of the Church of Conceptual Art
Proceeds	Support the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art

JURISDICTION, LIABILITIES, AND GATE INTAKE PROCEDURES

Transactional Fulfillment

Unsubscribe NYC LLC, by decree of the Church of Conceptual Art, acts strictly as the issuing broker for these passes. Proceeds support the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art. Our singular remaining obligation is the execution of your payment and the issuance of your ticket. Once the transaction clears, your ticket is permanently paid in full. We fulfill the earthly side of this contract with absolute finality.

Gate Intake and Destination Processing

We do not hold jurisdiction over the final intake procedures at the time of entry. What occurs at the Gates — including processing speeds, secondary audits by spiritual gatekeepers, or queue management — is solely at the discretion of the respective afterlife administration. We cannot, and do not, promise specific operational outcomes once you have passed on.

Burden of Choice

We guarantee that your ticket is paid for. Whether you possess a cleared ticket upon your arrival or face the intake administration without one is entirely up to you. The destination you select, and the financial weight you apply to it, is your sole responsibility.

Named Holder

A pass may be purchased on behalf of another individual. The obligation is discharged for the named holder, who need not be the payor. The purchaser warrants that they are entitled to submit the holder’s name and delivery address for this purpose. Passes are issued individually; bulk issuance is not available.

Finality of Issuance

A pass is issued to stand. It is not cancellable on request, and no refund is issued under any circumstance; all sales are final. The Administration reserves the sole discretion to cancel an issued pass — on public inquiry, or where reasonable and valid goodness requires it. This is rare, is exercised only in exceptional instances, and is never available on demand. A cancellation does not amend the record: the entry recording the pass is permanent, is never removed, and its hash is unchanged by the cancellation, which is added alongside it and is itself public. A holder who wishes to secure the other destination may purchase that pass in addition; the existing pass remains in force regardless.

Physical Fulfilment of the Fast Pass Upgrade

The Fast Pass Upgrade is the only article sold here that is manufactured and shipped. It is made to order and cannot be restocked, which is why it is not returnable. The credential is engraved with the name supplied at checkout; that name can be corrected only until the engraving is cut, and a correction must be requested at the support address on the day the order is placed. Shipping is included and tracked, to the countries offered at checkout. Production and delivery ordinarily take two to three weeks; that is an estimate made in good faith and not a guaranteed date. Risk passes on delivery to the address given. If an order arrives damaged or does not arrive at all, write to the support address and it will be remade or refunded — that is a fulfilment failure, not a change of mind, and it is the one circumstance in which money is returned on this lane.

Admission Carried by the Upgrade

An upgrade is a lane, and it carries the admission that lane exists for. If a ticket link is supplied at checkout the upgrade attaches to the ticket you already hold and no second ticket is minted; the pass on the record stays the pass on the record. If no ticket is supplied, the upgrade mints one admission per gate purchased and links it to the order. Either way you finish holding both an admission and a lane to use it in, and the order page and the confirmation state which of the two happened, because they are not the same thing and should not be described as though they were. An upgrade covering both gates carries one credential and one key set per gate. The price is the price shown at checkout for the gate or gates chosen; no other figure quoted anywhere on this site or elsewhere overrides it.

Upgrades Given Rather Than Sold

An upgrade is occasionally given rather than sold, under the creator programme published on this site, and on no other basis. A given upgrade is redeemed through the same checkout as a bought one, is assembled and shipped from the same queue, and carries every term in sections 6 and 7 without exception or reduction. The one difference is that nothing is charged, and so nothing can be returned: where a bought upgrade that fails in fulfilment may be remade or refunded, a given one is remade. Nobody who receives a ticket or an upgrade at no cost is asked for anything in return beyond the disclosure named in the programme, and that disclosure is owed to the audience rather than to us.

Legal and Material Classification

While capitalism holds weight in the hereafter, earthly regulatory bodies require us to state that these passes are distributed as conceptual art objects. They do not constitute legally binding contracts with any recognized terrestrial religious institution, and confer no rights, goods or services in the next life. The Fast Pass Upgrade is the exception in one earthly respect only: it is a physical article, and the tangible goods described at the point of sale — the credential, the key set, the certificate and the frame — are really made and really posted to you. What that article represents remains a conceptual art object. All sales are final, both in this life and the next.