AFTERLIFE TICKETING · CLOSING PERIOD
Buy a ticket. Choose a destination. Your entry is paid for.
Religiously sanctioned by the Church of Conceptual Art.
CLOSING PERIOD IN EFFECT — DENOMINATIONS REVISED DOWNWARD — No expiry. Purchase now, present upon arrival — whenever that happens to be.
INSTRUMENTS AVAILABLE FOR CLEARING
| SKU | DESTINATION | SCHEDULE | CLEARING AT | TERM | Action |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| H-777 | HEAVEN | $7.77 | CLOSING PERIOD | ||
| D-666 | HELL | $6.66 | CLOSING PERIOD | ||
| HD-1443 | BOTH | $14.43 | CLOSING PERIOD |
CLEARING INSTRUCTION — HOLDER DETAILS
BULLETIN — STATEMENT OF PRECEDENT
People have always paid for their place in the next world. Tithes. Indulgences. Endowed masses. Money has always moved between this life and the one after it.
We made it direct. Pay the correct amount before you die and your entry is on record at the gate. Verified with returned-life subjects. Recognized by both administrations.
No ceremony. No assessment. No waiting to find out. You pick the destination and you pay for it.
Once the payment clears the world financial system, the contract is complete for the named holder. Nothing else is asked of you, in this life or afterward.
INSTRUCTIONS
Provide a name and a delivery address and the pass is issued in that person’s name, with yours recorded as the party who cleared it. The obligation is discharged for the holder. You may secure entry for someone who would never secure it themselves.
ISSUE AS GIFTCLEARING RECORD — PUBLIC APPEND-ONLY
Every cleared transaction is committed to a public hash chain. Each entry carries a SHA-256 hash computed over its own contents and the hash of the entry before it, so altering any entry breaks every entry after it. The record is published in full, uses no secret, and can be recomputed by anyone. Entries are never amended or removed.
Unsubscribe NYC LLC, by decree of the Church of Conceptual Art, acts strictly as the issuing broker for these passes. Proceeds support the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art. Our singular remaining obligation is the execution of your payment and the issuance of your ticket. Once the transaction clears, your ticket is permanently paid in full. We fulfill the earthly side of this contract with absolute finality.
We do not hold jurisdiction over the final intake procedures at the time of entry. What occurs at the Gates — including processing speeds, secondary audits by spiritual gatekeepers, or queue management — is solely at the discretion of the respective afterlife administration. We cannot, and do not, promise specific operational outcomes once you have passed on.
We guarantee that your ticket is paid for. Whether you possess a cleared ticket upon your arrival or face the intake administration without one is entirely up to you. The destination you select, and the financial weight you apply to it, is your sole responsibility.
A pass may be purchased on behalf of another individual. The obligation is discharged for the named holder, who need not be the payor. The purchaser warrants that they are entitled to submit the holder’s name and delivery address for this purpose. Passes are issued individually; bulk issuance is not available.
A pass cannot be cancelled, withdrawn, or amended once issued. The entry recording it is permanent and is never removed from the public record. A holder who wishes to secure the other destination may purchase that pass in addition; the existing pass remains in force regardless. No refund is issued under any circumstance. All sales are final.
While capitalism holds weight in the hereafter, earthly regulatory bodies require us to state that these passes are distributed as conceptual art objects. They do not constitute legally binding contracts with any recognized terrestrial religious institution, and confer no rights, goods, or services in this life. All sales are final, both in this life and the next.
▸ Proceeds support the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art.